Sunday, July 26, 2009

It’s Sunday...

And I neglected to go to church. I feared my fatigue would fail me--a fatigue I've really never known. I've only left my apartment twice since Wednesday.

Wed. morning I was in complete denial that I was sick. I tried to be superwoman by going to work, not addressing my symptoms. My hot/cold chills had me scurrying home--to the Dr. first--by noon with my tail in between my legs.

I've never been one to acknowledge that I'm tired and forgo a responsibility of something I need to do. My poor husband... I've responded to his expression of tiredness before by saying, "It's okay. Push through it. You can do it." So sorry, dear. I'm evolving.

This has been a healthy change of pace for sure. I've had a lot--a little too much--time to think, pray, lay, and relax.

The only excuse I have for my busyness and overexhausting myself is--HELLO--my husband is back East and I'm here in Utah. I hate it so much--loathe, despise, can't stand. It's truly awful. So I keep myself busy and try to be productive and immerse myself in work, running, and creative projects with aspirations that time will fly. When I'm idle, I feel the burn. But when I'm busy, it somehow just works.

My responses to all the outsider's (lack of a better term) comments I've funneled are in no way a front. Rather, a more optimistic attitude...

Outside #1: (With a look of disgust) I could never be a part from my husband for that long.
Me: Well, although logistically it doesn't make sense to you, we feel peace about it.

Outsider #2: Why wouldn't you just move there?
Me: Well I really love my job and couldn't justify quiting just to move away for the summer when we have to return here for Andrew's school. Plus, I get to see him most weekends. It works.

I didn't even mean to go in this direction. Getting back to the part about laying and thinking--

I was reminded of Elder Oaks talk Good, Better, Best. So I had to read. The following highlights stuck out to me.

“Most of us have more things expected of us than we can possible do… just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."

And then Elder Oaks goes on to reiterate the beautiful story of Mary & Martha, which always hits home when I hear it.

Needless to say, I can’t (even though I must) wait for Drew to come home to our cutsie abode. I’m off my rocker and need him back. I plan on doing some evaluating and realigning in my life. When the kids come, I've got to have my little ducks (priorities) in a row and not out of whack.

Please excuse the long wind. I've got to get back to my Sunday R&R.


Mari Kjar said...

you are wonderful my friend. simply wonderful. i love that you are so candid. and love you too.

Whitney Elizabeth said...

Mar, I love you! I know exactly where you are coming from. People don't understand my decision to stay home while P is in Utah so its nice to know that you may understand my reasoning. I love how busy you keep yourself and would love to know about all the projects you do to keep yourself sane.
Hope you are feeling better today-miss you

Rachel Ricchio said...

who the heck cares what other people say. you have a dream of a husband and that's all that matters!

Mary said...

hope you feel better dear.

And I don't think your decisions are weird. People need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves sometimes!

Dayna said...

this post made me think of when steve played in his soccer game the day jayne was born. i know some people probably thought that was weird or inappropriate but I WANTED him to play especially since it was his last season. all that matters is what's right for YOU. not that you need me to tell you that- you already know. I LOVE YOU MARY!! i hope you are feeling much better. i miss you!

Suzie and Chadd said...

When Tyler was a year old I left him and Chadd to go help Tempy after her miscarriage and I was soo sad the whole way down there b/c I hate being away from my family. And sister Grayson gave me the best advice ever... "absence makes the heart grow fonder" Its good to take time away so that you can really appreciate those you love most. Every time Chadd and I are apart we hate it but when we meet up again we feel even more in love than before (which we didn't think possible) So I'm sure that the weekends you do get to see Andrew are amazing...and after this is all said and done you will look back at this time and remember that you can't live without this man and it will make your marriage even better.

Dayna said...

HOW ARE YOU FEELING? I just found out that you were sick yesterday and then I see this blog post (I am a little out of touch with technology lately!) and i am so sorry! When are you in Utah so I can bring you some soup or something!

LET ME KNOW! That is what family is for! (and I have TONS OF MOVIES YOU CAN BORROW!)