And I neglected to go to church. I feared my fatigue would fail me--a fatigue I've really never known. I've only left my apartment twice since Wednesday.
Wed. morning I was in complete denial that I was sick. I tried to be superwoman by going to work, not addressing my symptoms. My hot/cold chills had me scurrying home--to the Dr. first--by noon with my tail in between my legs.
I've never been one to acknowledge that I'm tired and forgo a responsibility of something I need to do. My poor husband... I've responded to his expression of tiredness before by saying, "It's okay. Push through it. You can do it." So sorry, dear. I'm evolving.
This has been a healthy change of pace for sure. I've had a lot--a little too much--time to think, pray, lay, and relax.
The only excuse I have for my busyness and overexhausting myself is--HELLO--my husband is back East and I'm here in Utah. I hate it so much--loathe, despise, can't stand. It's truly awful. So I keep myself busy and try to be productive and immerse myself in work, running, and creative projects with aspirations that time will fly. When I'm idle, I feel the burn. But when I'm busy, it somehow just works.
My responses to all the outsider's (lack of a better term) comments I've funneled are in no way a front. Rather, a more optimistic attitude...
Outside #1: (With a look of disgust) I could never be a part from my husband for that long.
Me: Well, although logistically it doesn't make sense to you, we feel peace about it.
Outsider #2: Why wouldn't you just move there?
Me: Well I really love my job and couldn't justify quiting just to move away for the summer when we have to return here for Andrew's school. Plus, I get to see him most weekends. It works.
I didn't even mean to go in this direction. Getting back to the part about laying and thinking--
I was reminded of Elder Oaks talk Good, Better, Best. So I had to read. The following highlights stuck out to me.
“Most of us have more things expected of us than we can possible do… just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."
And then Elder Oaks goes on to reiterate the beautiful story of Mary & Martha, which always hits home when I hear it.
Needless to say, I can’t (even though I must) wait for Drew to come home to our cutsie abode. I’m off my rocker and need him back. I plan on doing some evaluating and realigning in my life. When the kids come, I've got to have my little ducks (priorities) in a row and not out of whack.
Please excuse the long wind. I've got to get back to my Sunday R&R.